Don’t Phub Your Friends: A 3-Step Argument Analyzing the Role of Technoference in Our Lives (#13)

Some Definitions to kick us off:

• Tech – Post-1950 electronics, usually screens
• Technology – The application of scientific knowledge for practical purposes, especially in industry.
• Phubbing — “[The] practice of ignoring one’s companion or companions in order to pay attention to one’s phone or other mobile device.”
• Technoference – “Technoference refers to the interruptions in interpersonal communication caused by attention paid to personal technological devices. In other words, it’s that thing where you’re looking at your phone or tablet and don’t hear the question your kid or your friend or your mom or your boyfriend asked you.”

In light of the recent increases in tech in all of our lives (everything from Zoom meetings to nonstop Slack/Jabber messages), it’s time to think about the ways that Tech influences our lives.

About six years ago, Technoference was coined by Brandon T. McDaniel. Both McDaniel and Sarah M. Coyne wrote a paper titled, “‘Technoference’: The Interference of Technology in Couple Relationships and Implications for Women’s Personal and Relational Well-Being.”

Since this paper’s publication, the term exploded in popularity.

I have been interested in the concept of Technoference for the past few years because I am fascinated by the function that technology plays in my life.

Unlike a lot of people who write about technology as less than ideal, I am not wishing for the good old days of my youth. I’m living them. As of writing this, I’m 22 and have grown up with Tech all around me.

Three Steps to analyze technoference:

Tech: the Good, the Bad, and the Tool

There’s a lot of debate over whether Tech is “good” or “bad.” For a long time, I was in the camp of people that believed it was just “bad,” but I realized that this was a brash and thoughtless view. More recently, I’ve concluded that Tech is neither good nor bad, rather it’s a tool. Tools can do great things, and they can be corrupted for some quite terrible things.

Let’s be clear, Tech isn’t new. The TV was viewed as a negative distraction by some since its introduction into households in the 1930s.

Today, its popular to speak about how “technology has corrupted our youth.” Yesterday, it was, Rap, before that Rock and Roll, and before that the dreaded electric guitar. If we went back far enough, we could probably find people who said that the typewriter would ruin people’s handwriting, that the bike would ruin people’s legs, and that the boat would keep people from learning to swim.

To show how much people will catastrophize Tech, here are two real headlines:

• “5 Reasons Why Technology Is Ruining Our Society”
• “9 subtle ways technology is making humanity worse”

Articles like these might bring up some good points, but they screw up in a monumental way. They act as if young people are vice-grubbing robots. They take away our agency.

Agency Abolition

I don’t know about you, my dear reader, but I absolutely hate when people tell me that something isn’t in my control. Admittedly, I’m a bit of a control freak … okay a lot of a control freak. However, I’m not alone when it comes to the idea that I am in control of my life.

My basic argument rests on the premise that we want to live a life of fulfillment –I know I’m getting a little out there, just hang tight. Operating on this premise, we want to use the tools at our disposal to help us reach this fulfillment. This fulfillment or whatever you want to call it can be anything you want. I would argue, though, that a part of this idyllic life is to have the freedom to make your own choices.

This would mean that you would want to control the different factors in your life. Control the amount of alcohol you consume, the amount of sleep you get, how you treat those around you, etc., etc. This control should also include the way that you use Tech. Without this control, Tech uses you.

Does Tech Control us?

A large part of McDaniel’s 2016 paper focused on the fact that if we are constantly distracted by our phones when interacting with those closest to us, we start to feel less satisfied with those relationships. The study points out that “the majority (62%) of participants reported that technology interfered in their couple leisure time at least once a day.” Those that reported higher levels of perceived interruptions “tended to show worse overall well-being (lower relationship satisfaction, greater depressive symptoms, and lower life satisfaction).”

To bring this into focus, here’s that new term defined again:

• Phubbing – “[The] practice of ignoring one’s companion or companions in order to pay attention to one’s phone or other mobile device.”

Because we can agree that most people don’t enjoy phubbing their significant other, it would be safe to say that these perceived interruptions are Tech intruding on life and not Tech bettering life. Just like we would consider it a problem, if alcohol were to lead to perceived interruptions in our relationships, we should also view Tech in the same light. Alcohol is a tool for enjoying an evening or becoming more social. Tech is a tool for connecting with others, and taking away menial tasks, nothing more.

There are many aspects of life that might benefit from a deeper look at technoference. None, I would argue, are more important than our relationships.

As such, I would break down my argument into three key points,

• Tech is not good or bad it’s a tool.
• Tech is beneficial only when helping us and not when its controlling us.
• We can’t let Tech damage our relationships (Don’t Phub your friends).

These ideas have been backed up by a lot of research. Since this initial Technoference study, research has focused on parents, friends, relationship quality, and the role that Tech plays in our evolutionary lives.

Conclusions

I don’t view technology nearly as positively as many people my age, but I find that it hasn’t corrupted me, made me worse, or obliterated my society. The key takeaway is that there are many benefits, but also real risks.

These benefits include: the ability to video chat with friends over a beer while you draft your fantasy football league across the country, the connection to your partner via text whenever you want, the ability to like a friends post from Greece. The list goes on.

Many issues are caused by or exacerbated with Tech, especially smartphones and tablets. Again, the problem is choice and agency. If nothing else comes across from this post take this:

Use Tech, Don’t Let it Use You.

And please, walk up to a random stranger today, and ask them not to Phub their friends it’ll make me smile.